What are you patterns of relating to other people?  This quiz checks to see which of the Interpersonal Patterns in The Pattern System that are currently in Self-Therapy Journey might apply to you. The ones that show up as possible or probable will have a link to a description of the pattern, so you can determine whether you'd like to explore it, now or later.

Answer each question by asking yourself, "how often is this true for me?" Answer with the first thing to comes to mind. Don't worry about getting it exactly right. Your scores are just approximations anyway, and you can change any of your answers later and recalculate your scores.

If you aren't in a love relationship, when you are answering questions about "your partner" focus on how you have been in past relationships. If you've never been in a love relationship, focus on the person you are closest to.

Your results will be saved and available from a link on your Dashboard.
  • Most people take between 4 and 8 minutes to complete the quiz.
  • Answer these questions to the best of your ability, without giving them a great deal of thought.
  • Write down your first reaction.
  • You must answer all the questions.
I feel distant from my partner.




I feel anxious when my partner withdraws from me.




I am afraid that people don't like me.




I avoid bringing up issues that might lead to conflict.




I resent being victimized by certain people.




I point out people's problems in judgmental ways.




I have an intense need for affection and love from my partner.




In conflicts, I end up trying to prove that it wasn't my fault.




I go along with what others want.




I resent being told what to do.




I care for others at my own expense.




I feel closed off emotionally toward my partner.




I expect people to do things my way because I know best.




I get really angry when I'm treated badly.




I try to please people so they won't have anything to confront me about.




I agree to do tasks for people and then don't follow through.




I am afraid to reach out to people I am attracted to or interested in.




I am afraid of being without my partner.




I feel like I need to be in control for things to be safe.




I resist being like other people.




I try to be nice rather than expressing what I really think.




I go overboard not to hurt others or make them feel bad.




I feel like my life situation is just too difficult to overcome.




I rebel against people in power.




When someone confronts me, I become frozen or I give in to end the conflict.




I get irritated or annoyed at people.




In conflicts, I try to justify what I did rather than listening or working toward compromise.




I feel unsafe being vulnerable with my partner




It is hard for me to say, "No."




I feel stubborn even when I know I shouldn't.




I feel awkward interacting with people at parties or social gatherings.




I feel superior to other people.




I take on people's pain or burdens to help them and to be closer to them.




It is important for me to be in charge of situations.




I can hold a grudge and want to get revenge.




People say I do things that annoy them even though I am trying to please them.




I do so much for certain people and they still treat me badly.




I criticize the way people do things.




   ...so you can review your results or change an answer later.