What Are My Interpersonal Patterns?

How to Improve the Way You Relate to People

Do you wonder…
  • Why do my partner and I get into so many fights?
  • Why don’t I have more close friends?
  • Why do I get in trouble at work?
  • How can I be more effective in working with people?
  • What can I do to improve my relationships?
We all have many different patterns of relating to others. 
Some work well for us and some don’t.

This quiz covers all the Interpersonal Patterns. I have created two quizzes for patterns (this one and the Personal Patterns Quiz) instead of one, in order to limit the number of questions in each quiz.

Take this quiz to learn about your Interpersonal Patterns,
and what to do about the ones that aren’t working for you.
Some of the questions refer to your "partner." If you aren't in a love relationship, answer these questions in terms of how you have been in past relationships. If you have changed since the last time you were in a love relationship, answer based on how you think you would be now. If you've never been in a love relationship, answer in terms of the person you are closest to.
 
  • Most people take between 4 and 8 minutes to complete the quiz.
  • Answer these questions to the best of your ability, without giving them a great deal of thought.
  • Write down your first reaction.
  • You must answer all the questions.
I feel distant from my partner.




I feel anxious when my partner withdraws from me.




I am afraid that people don't like me.




I avoid bringing up issues that might lead to conflict.




There is someone I resent because he or she has victimized me.




I point out people's problems in judgmental ways.




I have an intense need for affection and love from my partner.




In conflicts, I end up trying to prove that it wasn't my fault.




I go along with what others want.




I resent being told what to do.




I care for others at my own expense.




I feel closed off emotionally toward my partner.




I expect people to do things my way because I know best.




I get really angry when I'm treated badly.




I try to please people so they won't have anything to confront me about.




I agree to do tasks for people and then don't follow through.




I am afraid to reach out to people I am attracted to or interested in.




I am afraid of being without my partner.




I feel like I need to be in control for things to be safe.




I resist being like other people.




I try to be nice rather than expressing what I really think.




I go overboard not to hurt others or make them feel bad.




I feel like my life situation is just too difficult to overcome.




I rebel against people in power.




When someone confronts me, I become frozen or I give in to end the conflict.




I yell at people when I get angry.




In conflicts, I try to justify what I did rather than listening or working toward compromise.




I feel unsafe being vulnerable with my partner.




It is hard for me to say, "No."




I feel stubborn even when I know I shouldn't.




I feel awkward interacting with people at parties or social gatherings.




I feel superior to other people.




I take on people's pain or burdens to help them and to be closer to them.




It is important for me to be in charge of situations.




I can hold a grudge and want to get revenge.




People say I do things that annoy them even though I am trying to please them.




There is someone that I have done so much for, but he or she still treats me badly.




I criticize the way people do things.




   ...so you can review your results or change an answer later.