What Are My Interpersonal Patterns?

How to Improve the Way You Relate to People

Do you wonder…

Why do my partner and I get into so many fights?
Why don’t I have more close friends?
Why do I get in trouble at work?
How can I be more effective in working with people?
What can I do to improve my relationships?

We all have many different patterns of relating to others.
Some work well for us and some don’t.

This quiz covers all the Interpersonal Patterns. I have created two quizzes for patterns (this one and the Personal Patterns Quiz) instead of one, in order to limit the number of questions in each quiz.

Take this quiz to learn about your Interpersonal Patterns,
and what to do about the ones that aren’t working for you.

Some of the questions refer to your "partner." If you aren't in a love relationship, answer these questions in terms of how you have been in past relationships. If you have changed since the last time you were in a love relationship, answer based on how you think you would be now. If you've never been in a love relationship, answer in terms of the person you are closest to.

Most people take between 4 and 8 minutes to complete the quiz.
Answer these questions to the best of your ability, without giving them a great deal of thought.
Write down your first reaction.
You must answer all the questions.


I feel distant from my partner. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I feel anxious when my partner withdraws from me. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I am afraid that people don't like me. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I avoid bringing up issues that might lead to conflict. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
There is someone I resent because he or she has victimized me. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I point out people's problems in judgmental ways. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I have an intense need for affection and love from my partner. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
In conflicts, I end up trying to prove that it wasn't my fault. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I go along with what others want. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I resent being told what to do. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I care for others at my own expense. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I feel closed off emotionally toward my partner. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I expect people to do things my way because I know best. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I get really angry when I'm treated badly. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I try to please people so they won't have anything to confront me about. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I agree to do tasks for people and then don't follow through. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I am afraid to reach out to people I am attracted to or interested in. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I am afraid of being without my partner. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I feel like I need to be in control for things to be safe. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I resist being like other people. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I try to be nice rather than expressing what I really think. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I go overboard not to hurt others or make them feel bad. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I feel like my life situation is just too difficult to overcome. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I rebel against people in power. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
When someone confronts me, I become frozen or I give in to end the conflict. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I yell at people when I get angry. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
In conflicts, I try to justify what I did rather than listening or working toward compromise. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I feel unsafe being vulnerable with my partner. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
It is hard for me to say, "No." Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I feel stubborn even when I know I shouldn't. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I feel awkward interacting with people at parties or social gatherings. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I feel superior to other people. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I take on people's pain or burdens to help them and to be closer to them. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
It is important for me to be in charge of situations. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I can hold a grudge and want to get revenge. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
People say I do things that annoy them even though I am trying to please them. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
There is someone that I have done so much for, but he or she still treats me badly. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I criticize the way people do things. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always

Click the button to see your results.