Quiz
How Can We Be Close and Autonomous?
Explore the Patterns of Intimacy and Care in Your Relationship
Do you long for the closeness you used to have?
Is one of you dependent and the other distant?
Can you be self-sufficient and still be close?
Do you give up your autonomy in the relationship?
Do you care for your partner so much that you ignore your needs?
Learn about the patterns of intimacy, caring, dependence, and autonomy in your relationship.
All relationships must struggle with these if they want a juicy connection.
Take this quiz to learn about your patterns
and what to do about the ones that aren’t working.
Have your partner do the same.
Some of the questions refer to your "partner."
If you aren't in a love relationship
, answer these questions in terms of how you have been in past relationships. If you have changed since the last time you were in a love relationship, answer based on how you think you would be now. If you've never been in a love relationship, answer in terms of the person you are closest to.
Most people take between 4 and 8 minutes to complete the quiz.
Answer these questions to the best of your ability, without giving them a great deal of thought.
Write down your first reaction.
You must answer all the questions.
I'm sexually and physically affectionate with my partner.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I get involved with other activities instead of being with my partner.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I trust that my partner can basically take care of him or herself, though my support can be helpful.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I am self-centered.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I can be grounded and centered even when my partner is distant or away.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I get depressed when my partner is away for very long.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I think that if my partner isn't like me, it's because he or she is unhealthy or ignorant.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I share what is important to me with my partner.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
It's hard for me to say "No" when my partner asks for something, even when I need to.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I must have affection from my partner in order to feel okay about myself.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I feel comfortable with myself when I’m alone.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I believe my partner loves me even if I'm not anticipating their needs and taking care of them.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I go out of my way not to do or say anything that could possibly hurt my partner or make him or her feel bad.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I want to share activities with my partner.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I get bored easily when my partner is talking.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I don't express affection and love to my partner verbally.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I feel like I couldn’t make it on my own.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I take care of my health, well-being, and the daily tasks of life without needing help.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I can assert myself with my partner to get my needs met.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I try to keep peace between others so no one is upset.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I believe my partner is thinking and feeling the same things I am.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I become demanding about getting my needs met.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I show interest and listen when my partner wants to share what is important to him or her.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I can be happy without being in a romantic relationship.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I take on my partner's pain and burdens to help them and to be closer to them.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
My needs are just as important as my partner's.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I feel passion and love for my partner.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I am uncomfortable being sexual or affectionate with my partner.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I have a strong need for praise and admiration from my partner.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I nurture and soothe myself when I need to.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I care for my partner at my own expense.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I take care of my own basic needs before I focus on helping my partner.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I feel anxious when my partner withdraws from me.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I feel closed off emotionally to my partner.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I am honest with my partner.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I feel caring and compassionate for myself when I’m in pain.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I take time to get in touch what I feel and want.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I find myself thinking about other people I'm sexually attracted to, even while I'm in a relationship.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I tell my partner how much I love and care for him or her.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I feel distant from my partner.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
I don't pay attention to how my behavior impacts my partner.
Never
Seldom
Sometimes
Frequently
Always
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