Quiz: Why Do We Have So Many Fights?

Discover the Patterns of Conflict and Power in Your Relationship and How to Change Them

Do you and your partner have frequent fights?
Do you end up in screaming matches?
Do you end up distant and resentful?
Have you tried everything you can think of, but nothing works?

Take this quiz to learn about
your patterns of conflict and power in love relationships
and what to do about the ones that are causing problems.

Have your partner do the same.

Answer each question by asking yourself, "how often is this true for me?" Answer with the first thing to comes to mind.

Some of the questions refer to your "partner." If you aren't in a love relationship, answer these questions in terms of how you have been in past relationships. If you have changed since the last time you were in a love relationship, answer based on how you think you would be now. If you've never been in a love relationship, answer in terms of the person you are closest to.

Most people take between 4 and 8 minutes to complete the quiz.
Answer these questions to the best of your ability, without giving them a great deal of thought.
Write down your first reaction.
You must answer all the questions.


I go along with what my partner wants. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I avoid bringing up issues that might lead to conflict. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
In conflicts, I listen to my partner's concerns and take them seriously. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I resent being told what to do. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I fly into a rage when my partner treats me badly. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I agree to do tasks for my partner and then don’t follow through. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
When my partner gets angry at me, I become frightened and withdraw. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I expect my partner to do things my way because I know best. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I can assert myself to get what I want. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I try to please my partner or take care of them so they won't have anything to confront me about. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I can disagree if I am accused of something that isn't true. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I am good at working together with my partner to meet both of our needs. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
When necessary, I can bring up an issue in the relationship I am unhappy about. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I rebel against my partner. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
In conflicts, I give in or take care of my partner for a while, but then at some point, I blow up at them. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
It is hard for me to say No to my partner. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
My partner says I do things that annoy them even though I am trying my best. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
It is important for me to be in charge. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I interact with my partner in such a way that conflicts don’t arise. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I take initiative to make my life work the way I want Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I can be receptive and follow my partner’s lead, without giving up my power. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I understand and feel compassion for my partner when we're in conflict. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I am competitive and want to win and be at the top. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
When my partner blames me for some difficulty, I tell them that it is actually their fault. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
When my partner blames me, I assume that it is my fault without considering what I really believe. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I act stubborn with my partner even when I know I shouldn’t. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
If necessary, I can set limits on my partner's angry or abusive behavior without over-reacting. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I resist being like my partner. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
When my partner confronts me, I give in to end the conflict. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
It is hard for me to express my feelings when they are different from what my partner feels. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
In discussions, I stand behind what I believe. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I am open to my partner’s opinions without giving up my own. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I feel angry because I have been victimized by my partner. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I express my feelings and desires to my partner. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I fight my partner to have a say in how things are done. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I try to be nice to my partner rather than expressing what I really think. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I try to please my partner, but he or she feels frustrated with me. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I feel like I need to be in control for things to be safe. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
When I bring up my concerns with my partner, he or she doesn’t listen to me. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I can express my concerns to my partner without being judgmental. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I can stand up for what I believe in a conflict. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I like it when we both express ourselves strongly. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I value a harmonious relationship. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I try to make my partner happy without paying attention to my own needs. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
When my anger does get triggered, I let go of it after a while and reach out to my partner. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I expect to have things my way. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
Even though I know what I want, I take into account what my partner wants, too. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
In conflicts, I try to justify what I did. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
When I get angry in a conflict, I refrain from acting it out. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I reach out to my partner for what I want. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
When my partner brings up a conflict, I change the subject or leave the room. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I point out my partner’s problems in angry, judgmental ways. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
In conflicts, I end up trying to prove that it wasn't my fault. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
When my partner confronts me, I become frozen and unable to communicate effectively. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I own my part of problems. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
I can assert myself even if it might lead to conflict. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always
If my partner asks me to do something that won't work for me, I can say No. Never Seldom Sometimes Frequently Always

Click the button to see your results.


		Quiz