Quiz: Why Do We Have So Many Fights?

Discover the Patterns of Conflict and Power in Your Relationship and How to Change Them
  • Do you and your partner have frequent fights?
  • Do you end up in screaming matches?
  • Do you end up distant and resentful?
  • Have you tried everything you can think of, but nothing works?
Take this quiz to learn about 
your patterns of conflict and power in love relationships
and what to do about the ones that are causing problems.

Have your partner do the same.

Answer each question by asking yourself, "how often is this true for me?" Answer with the first thing to comes to mind.
Some of the questions refer to your "partner." If you aren't in a love relationship, answer these questions in terms of how you have been in past relationships. If you have changed since the last time you were in a love relationship, answer based on how you think you would be now. If you've never been in a love relationship, answer in terms of the person you are closest to.
 
  • Most people take between 4 and 8 minutes to complete the quiz.
  • Answer these questions to the best of your ability, without giving them a great deal of thought.
  • Write down your first reaction.
  • You must answer all the questions.
I go along with what my partner wants.




I avoid bringing up issues that might lead to conflict.




In conflicts, I listen to my partner's concerns and take them seriously.




I resent being told what to do.




I fly into a rage when my partner treats me badly.




I agree to do tasks for my partner and then don’t follow through.




When my partner gets angry at me, I become frightened and withdraw.




I expect my partner to do things my way because I know best.




I can assert myself to get what I want.




I try to please my partner or take care of them so they won't have anything to confront me about.




I can disagree if I am accused of something that isn't true.




I am good at working together with my partner to meet both of our needs.




When necessary, I can bring up an issue in the relationship I am unhappy about.




I rebel against my partner.




In conflicts, I give in or take care of my partner for a while, but then at some point, I blow up at them.




It is hard for me to say No to my partner.




My partner says I do things that annoy them even though I am trying my best.




It is important for me to be in charge.




I interact with my partner in such a way that conflicts don’t arise.




I take initiative to make my life work the way I want




I can be receptive and follow my partner’s lead, without giving up my power.




I understand and feel compassion for my partner when we're in conflict.




I am competitive and want to win and be at the top.




When my partner blames me for some difficulty, I tell them that it is actually their fault.




When my partner blames me, I assume that it is my fault without considering what I really believe.




I act stubborn with my partner even when I know I shouldn’t.




If necessary, I can set limits on my partner's angry or abusive behavior without over-reacting.




I resist being like my partner.




When my partner confronts me, I give in to end the conflict.




It is hard for me to express my feelings when they are different from what my partner feels.




In discussions, I stand behind what I believe.




I am open to my partner’s opinions without giving up my own.




I feel angry because I have been victimized by my partner.




I express my feelings and desires to my partner.




I fight my partner to have a say in how things are done.




I try to be nice to my partner rather than expressing what I really think.




I try to please my partner, but he or she feels frustrated with me.




I feel like I need to be in control for things to be safe.




When I bring up my concerns with my partner, he or she doesn’t listen to me.




I can express my concerns to my partner without being judgmental.




I can stand up for what I believe in a conflict.




I like it when we both express ourselves strongly.




I value a harmonious relationship.




I try to make my partner happy without paying attention to my own needs.




When my anger does get triggered, I let go of it after a while and reach out to my partner.




I expect to have things my way.




Even though I know what I want, I take into account what my partner wants, too.




In conflicts, I try to justify what I did.




When I get angry in a conflict, I refrain from acting it out.




I reach out to my partner for what I want.




When my partner brings up a conflict, I change the subject or leave the room.




I point out my partner’s problems in angry, judgmental ways.




In conflicts, I end up trying to prove that it wasn't my fault.




When my partner confronts me, I become frozen and unable to communicate effectively.




I own my part of problems.




I can assert myself even if it might lead to conflict.




If my partner asks me to do something that won't work for me, I can say No.




   ...so you can review your results or change an answer later.