The Underlying Dynamics of Patterns

For each pattern, the Pattern System contains an understanding of the underlying psychological dynamics that may create this pattern. This involves three concepts—motivations, wounds, and childhood conditioning.

A pattern is motivated by fears or attempts to get approval and love (motivations). And these motivations are related to how you were harmed, rejected, or otherwise caused pain as a child (wounds). Motivations can also originate in other ways that your beliefs were programmed or you were conditioned to feel certain ways.

These concepts can best be explained using an example. Let’s look at the Perfectionist Pattern.

Motivations

There are a variety of possible motivations for this pattern.

Wounds

Each of these motivations is based on a particular wound from childhood. Let’s look at a few of them. We will study the wounds behind the Fear of Harm motivation:

There are four types of harm that usually can pose a threat to the Perfectionist Pattern, and each one is related to a wound. Below is a list of the four.

Fear of Criticism

You may be afraid of being judged if you aren’t perfect.

This is related to the Judgment Wound. When you were a child, you may have been criticized and made to feel inadequate, worthless, or bad about yourself when you didn’t measure up to your parents’ impossibly high standards. You might be afraid of this happening again if you don’t meet such standards.

Fear of Shame

You may be afraid of being shamed or ridiculed by people if you aren’t perfect.

This is related to the Shame Wound. When you were little, you may have been ridiculed, shamed, or embarrassed by parents or others you were close to. You might be afraid of this being repeated in your adult life.

Fear of Being Controlled

You may be afraid that if you aren’t perfect, you will leave other people room to try to control you.

This is related to the Domination Wound. You may have been dominated and controlled by one of your parents, and they justified it by telling you that you weren’t good enough, so they had to take over. You may have hated being in that position, so you don’t want to allow anyone the chance to do that again.

Fear of Attack

You may be afraid that other people are going to get angry with you, so you try to be perfect in order to protect yourself.

This is related to the Attack Wound. When you were little, your parents (or others) may have yelled at you because they said you weren’t good enough. They may even have abused you physically. Now you might be frightened of being treated that way again.

Just as with motivations, these wounds are universal, but they each have a different flavor depending on the pattern. Here they have to do with being wounded for not meeting parents extremely high standards. For another pattern, the wounds would occur under different circumstances.

Childhood Conditioning

In addition to wounds, there are other ways that we can be programmed as children. Here is an example related to Perfectionism.

You may believe that it is right to be perfect and wrong to make any mistakes. There are five possible origins that could contribute to this belief.

Modeling. One of your parents might have been perfectionistic, so you grew up assuming that that is the way a person should be.

Teaching. Your parents may have told you how important it was to not make mistakes and to be as perfect as possible, so you came to believe that that is the way a person should be.

Reward. Your parents may have rewarded you with praise whenever you were perfect, so you came to believe that that is the way a person should be.

Punishment. Your parents may have punished you for any mistakes you made, so you felt that you had to be perfect in order to be safe.

Shaping. Your need to be perfect may have been shaped by your childhood, which involved a combination of modeling, teaching, punishment, and/or reward.

The types of conditioning are universal but the form they take has to do with the pattern.