The Caretaking Pattern

  • Do you feel that your needs don’t really count?
  • Do you take care of other people, but no one seems to care about you?
  • Are you surrounded by people who need you?
  • Do you bend yourself out of shape so that no one is uncomfortable?
  • Do you try to help someone with an addiction in a way that makes it worse?
This is the Caretaking Pattern. Click here for more information.
XIf you have the Caretaking Pattern, you are caring and compassionate toward others, but often at the expense of your own needs or desires. At some level, though, your caring may come with strings attached. You may have a desire to be appreciated for all that you give to others, rather than giving without the need for something in return. You may be aware of hoping that people will care more for you and give you their time and attention in return for your efforts.

You may take pride in being a "mind reader." You may get a lift from providing assistance that you believe people need even before they ask for it. You may frequently give too much help, often at the expense of taking care of yourself.

If you have the Caretaking Pattern, you probably attract people who may, on some level, like being taken care of or who become dependent on you. You may have people in your life whom you believe would suffer if you were to stop caretaking them, and you may enjoy "being needed."

You can transform your Caretaking Pattern
and take care of yourself, too.

Self-Therapy Journey is an interactive online tool
for resolving psychological issues such as the Caretaking Pattern.
With Self-Therapy Journey, you can transform your Caretaking Pattern into the Self-Care Capacity, which means you can...
  • Be in touch with your needs.
  • Ask for what you want.
  • Set limits so you have time for yourself.
  • Allow people to take care of themselves.
  • Have your personal power and your connections with people.
 Click here  for more information on the Self-Care Capacity.

You can create a personalized practice
for activating the Self-Care Capacity in your life.

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Caretaking Pattern

What People Are Saying

"I found Self-Therapy Journey to be very useful for becoming aware of the limiting and negative internal patterns that drive my behavior in certain contexts. I was amazed with the online quiz that enabled me to determine the most likely patterns that I had. I recently worked on the Caretaking pattern which highlighted its influence in my life. After working with Self-Therapy Journey, I found that I could consciously choose to put a stop to the pattern, and step back from being unconsciously driven by it. The greatest benefit of using this application is its ability to reveal the hidden motivations behind our limiting patterns. I recommend it highly."
-- Nick Lal, Personal Development Practitioner

Caretaking Online Community Group

Click here to join a forum/listserv where you can share your insights and progress, ask questions, learn from other people, find a partner for IFS or STJ work, and develop community with people who are struggling with Caretaking, People-Pleasing and similar issues. Jay Earley and other staff are available to answer your questions. 

Self-Therapy Journey is a powerful tool
for transforming your Caretaking Pattern
and cultivating your Self-Care Capacity.

But that's not all!
It works with many other psychological issues as well. It will help you work through a wide variety of patterns and develop many different capacities.

You Can...

  • Take command of your personal growth
  • Work at your own pace in your own time
  • Heal your emotional wounds
  • Gain self-confidence and courage
  • Open to intimacy and love
  • Feel hope and optimism about your life
    - each and every day
Discover how the powerful inner process of Self-Therapy Journey can change your life. It is an interactive web application that includes...

  • Check lists for understanding behavior, feelings, and motivations
  • Stories
  • Guided meditations for healing emotional wounds
  • Journaling
  • Customized reports
  • Personalized homework practices for behavior change
  • An online community for support
  • Systematic tracking of your progress
  • And much more

You can have the life you have always dreamed of,
at a tiny fraction of the cost of therapy.

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Caretaking Pattern

Self-Therapy Journey is brilliant. It's been an absolutely great experience to use it. Every time I had a thought like, "What about this?" there was something in the online system to handle it.

-- Athena Murphy

I think Self-Therapy Journey is immensely helpful. You can go as deep as you want.

-- Elizabeth Moulton,
Clinical Psychologist

It is impressive that this tool was so helpful to me considering that I have done ample self-work for over 25 years.

-- Faith Curtin, MA
Clinical Psychology

Working with Self-Therapy Journey will help you:

  • Dramatically increase your self-awareness
  • Understand your partner's behavior (and that of other people close to you)
  • Recognize when you are caught in self-defeating patterns - and change them to positive actions - right in the moment
  • Significantly lower your level of stress and reactivity
  • Be free of the constricting hold of old emotional wounds
  • Work through your fears so you can live authentically and courageously
  • Become emotionally stable and healthy, leading to peace and satisfaction
  • Enhance your ability for love, creativity, personal power, and living a life of purpose


I have been a psychotherapist for 40 years. I have helped hundreds of therapy clients to resolve troubling psychological issues and find love, success, and peace. And hundreds more people have used Self-Therapy Journey to make similar changes. My self-published book Self-Therapy has sold nearly 20,000 copies, and I constantly get emails from readers telling me how much the book has changed their lives.

I created Self-Therapy Journey as a place for you to do your own inner work. I want to make psychological healing available to a wide range of people. When you enroll, I will be personally available to support you in using it. I hold free teleseminars and webinars regularly on Self-Therapy Journey. Please join me.

Try Self-Therapy Journey so you can experience how powerful it is and how easy it is to use.

Jay Earley, PHD

Introductory Video with Jay Earley

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Caretaking Pattern

Self-Therapy Journey is based on
two comprehensive and powerful systems!

Click here to see a larger version of this chart.

1. The Pattern System®

The Pattern System is a breakthrough in understanding personality, a Periodic Table for psychology, created by Jay Earley, PhD.

It is a systematic approach to understanding your personality oriented toward psychological healing and personal growth, Self-Therapy Journey contains about 25 patterns, which are ways of behaving and feeling that you might want to change, such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, self-criticism, or avoiding intimacy.

Self-Therapy Journey helps you transform each pattern into a healthy capacity, such as assertiveness, ease, self-esteem, or cooperation. It also allows you to heal 14 different emotional wounds from childhood, such as being deprived or judged or feeling unlovable.

Everyone is unique! And the Pattern System recognizes this. You aren't put into a box. You get to understand the details of your particular personality.

The Pattern System provides the psychological content and IFS provides the therapy process.

Click here to learn more about the Pattern System.

2. Internal Family Systems Therapy

Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) is on the cutting edge of psychotherapy. It allows you to understand your psyche in a new way and create deep, powerful healing of old emotional wounds and trauma. IFS is a recognized, proven method for individual psychotherapy with a robust training program and thousands of certified therapists.

IFS enables you to understand each of the parts of your psyche, sometimes called sub-personalities. You can think of them as little people inside you. Each has its own perspective, feelings, memories, goals, and motivations. For example, one part of you might be trying to lose weight, and another part might want to eat whatever you want.

We all have many different parts, and we each have a spiritual center, the Self, which is compassionate, understanding, and grounded. Through IFS you can learn to stay in Self, develop a relationship with each of your parts, and heal them.

The key is that the your healing comes from you! This means that you can do IFS on your own, without a therapist, which is what makes Self-Therapy Journey possible.

Click here to watch an interview of Jay Earley on IFS by Tami Simon of Sounds True.

Support and Witnessing

You can work on Self-Therapy Journey completely on your own, or you can find a buddy or mentor from our online community to witness your work and support you in making changes in your life. You can also find a therapist guide from our list of professionals who will guide you in using Self-Therapy Journey and provide additional therapy if you want it.

In our online community, you can join a group of people who are dealing with the same issue. You can share with them your progress in your Self-Therapy Journey work and get answers to questions.

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Caretaking Pattern

I was amazed with the ease of use of STJ and how quickly it helped to identify areas in which I was having difficulty. The guided mediations helped me understand the underlying intention behind my pattern. The homework practice turned out beautifully, allowing me to be more cooperative with others. I learned to re-state confusing feelings in an accepting and loving way. I can now let go of those parts that are no longer serving me.

-- Colleen A.

The greatest benefit of Self-Therapy Journey is its ability to reveal the hidden motivations behind our limiting patterns. I recommend it highly.

-- Nick Lal,
Personal Development

The problems that I worked on using Self-Therapy Journey have been resolved. The Pattern System has jump-started a lot of my clients in understanding their issues at the beginning of their work.

-- Cathy Duke
Licensed Counselor

Have other issues you need help with?
Wondering if Self-Therapy Journey deals with them?
Click here to find out
Are you a therapist, coach, or other professional,
wondering about using Self-Therapy Journey with you clients?
Click here for all the information you need

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Caretaking Pattern

XSelf-Care is the ability to be in touch with what you want and need, and then being able to express those wants and needs to others. With this capacity, you can speak up to get your needs met and make choices that sometimes result in your benefit. Unlike being selfish, which would be to always put your needs and desires above anyone else's, the Self-Care Capacity helps you to see that it is healthy to balance your needs with the needs of others.

When you have this capacity, you can weigh what others want against what you want and make decisions about how to speak or act that are in line with your values and integrity. You find ways to make sure all your basic needs (food, sleep, self-care time, financial, and so on) are getting met. This doesn't mean you no longer care about other people but rather that you value your own needs and desires at least as much as those of others.