Description of the Controlling Pattern

If you have the Controlling Pattern, you may need to get your way or be in charge of people and situations. You may frame situations as power struggles or opportunities in order to come out on top. You may be more concerned with protecting or defending yourself than connecting and cooperating with others.

You may be bossy, demanding, or feel entitled, with a sense that everything revolves around you. You may be blind to other people’s needs. You may gravitate toward and excel in competitive situations.

When you are interacting with a group of people, you often try to be the one in charge. You may turn decision making into a competition to see who wins, rather than a group effort to come up with the best choice.


The Controlling Pattern is transformed by the Cooperation Capacity.

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XCooperation involves the ability to be receptive and work well with others. You are open to other people's ideas and desires while not ignoring your own. You can assert yourself while also being able to go along with what other people want, and you can determine which is more appropriate for any situation. Most important, you can harmonize with others when working together or making joint decisions without giving up on your opinions, feelings, or desires.

You can empower other people to contribute their skills to a project. You can follow someone else's lead when appropriate, and you can take the lead yourself if that is what is needed. You can facilitate other people working together well as part of a community or team. When there is conflict, you can compromise or find solutions that are best for all concerned.

When someone has greater knowledge or expertise in one area, you can follow them and learn from them while still retaining your power to disagree or opt out when appropriate. When you have the greater knowledge, you can use it for everyone's benefit while still allowing others to have their say and retain their autonomy.