The Controlling Pattern

  • Do you need to run the show?
  • Are people always rebelling against you?
  • Do you get into power struggles with people?
  • Do people avoid you because you’re controlling?
  • Are you surrounded by people who wait for you to lead?
This is the Controlling Pattern. Click here for more information.
XIf you have the Controlling Pattern, you may need to get your way or be in charge of people and situations. You may frame situations as power struggles or opportunities in order to come out on top. You may be more concerned with protecting or defending yourself than connecting and cooperating with others.

You may be bossy, demanding, or feel entitled, with a sense that everything revolves around you. You may be blind to other people’s needs. You may gravitate toward and excel in competitive situations.

When you are interacting with a group of people, you often try to be the one in charge. You may turn decision making into a competition to see who wins, rather than a group effort to come up with the best choice.

You can transform your Controlling Pattern
and improve your interactions with people.

Self-Therapy Journey is an interactive online tool
for resolving psychological issues such as the Controlling Pattern.
With Self-Therapy Journey, you can transform your Controlling Pattern into the Cooperation Capacity, which means you can...
  • Be open to what other people want.
  • Realize that other people may have important input.
  • Work with people in a cooperative way.
  • Have congenial working relationships.
  • Relate in a way that people trust you.
 Click here  for more information on the Cooperation Capacity.

You can create a personalized practice
for activating the Cooperation Capacity in your life.

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Controlling Pattern

What People Are Saying

A lifelong pattern: to control
Protecting me was its key role
A new approach, deep in my soul
Leads me to another goal
To trust that others also know
Of many paths, down which to go
With fresh ideas, they can show
So many ways to help me grow
Now I'm open to the flow
To gifts that come from those who know
How stifled thinking, due to pains
Can result in lifelong chains
And as I see the many ways
That these new paths affect my days
I'm grateful for this new-found view
An opening to life anew"
--Anna Katrina Ramsey

Self-Therapy Journey is a powerful tool
for transforming your Controlling Pattern
and cultivating your Cooperation Capacity.

But that's not all!
It works with many other psychological issues as well. It will help you work through a wide variety of patterns and develop many different capacities.

You Can...

  • Take command of your personal growth
  • Work at your own pace in your own time
  • Heal your emotional wounds
  • Gain self-confidence and courage
  • Open to intimacy and love
  • Feel hope and optimism about your life
    - each and every day
Discover how the powerful inner process of Self-Therapy Journey can change your life. It is an interactive web application that includes...

  • Check lists for understanding behavior, feelings, and motivations
  • Stories
  • Guided meditations for healing emotional wounds
  • Journaling
  • Customized reports
  • Personalized homework practices for behavior change
  • An online community for support
  • Systematic tracking of your progress
  • And much more

You can have the life you have always dreamed of,
at a tiny fraction of the cost of therapy.

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Controlling Pattern

Self-Therapy Journey is brilliant. It's been an absolutely great experience to use it. Every time I had a thought like, "What about this?" there was something in the online system to handle it.

-- Athena Murphy

I think Self-Therapy Journey is immensely helpful. You can go as deep as you want.

-- Elizabeth Moulton,
Clinical Psychologist

It is impressive that this tool was so helpful to me considering that I have done ample self-work for over 25 years.

-- Faith Curtin, MA
Clinical Psychology

Working with Self-Therapy Journey will help you:

  • Dramatically increase your self-awareness
  • Understand your partner's behavior (and that of other people close to you)
  • Recognize when you are caught in self-defeating patterns - and change them to positive actions - right in the moment
  • Significantly lower your level of stress and reactivity
  • Be free of the constricting hold of old emotional wounds
  • Work through your fears so you can live authentically and courageously
  • Become emotionally stable and healthy, leading to peace and satisfaction
  • Enhance your ability for love, creativity, personal power, and living a life of purpose


I have been a psychotherapist for 40 years. I have helped hundreds of therapy clients to resolve troubling psychological issues and find love, success, and peace. And hundreds more people have used Self-Therapy Journey to make similar changes. My self-published book Self-Therapy has sold nearly 20,000 copies, and I constantly get emails from readers telling me how much the book has changed their lives.

I created Self-Therapy Journey as a place for you to do your own inner work. I want to make psychological healing available to a wide range of people. When you enroll, I will be personally available to support you in using it. I hold free teleseminars and webinars regularly on Self-Therapy Journey. Please join me.

Try Self-Therapy Journey so you can experience how powerful it is and how easy it is to use.

Jay Earley, PHD

Introductory Video with Jay Earley

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Controlling Pattern

Self-Therapy Journey is based on
two comprehensive and powerful systems!

Click here to see a larger version of this chart.

1. The Pattern System®

The Pattern System is a breakthrough in understanding personality, a Periodic Table for psychology, created by Jay Earley, PhD.

It is a systematic approach to understanding your personality oriented toward psychological healing and personal growth, Self-Therapy Journey contains about 25 patterns, which are ways of behaving and feeling that you might want to change, such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, self-criticism, or avoiding intimacy.

Self-Therapy Journey helps you transform each pattern into a healthy capacity, such as assertiveness, ease, self-esteem, or cooperation. It also allows you to heal 14 different emotional wounds from childhood, such as being deprived or judged or feeling unlovable.

Everyone is unique! And the Pattern System recognizes this. You aren't put into a box. You get to understand the details of your particular personality.

The Pattern System provides the psychological content and IFS provides the therapy process.

Click here to learn more about the Pattern System.

2. Internal Family Systems Therapy

Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) is on the cutting edge of psychotherapy. It allows you to understand your psyche in a new way and create deep, powerful healing of old emotional wounds and trauma. IFS is a recognized, proven method for individual psychotherapy with a robust training program and thousands of certified therapists.

IFS enables you to understand each of the parts of your psyche, sometimes called sub-personalities. You can think of them as little people inside you. Each has its own perspective, feelings, memories, goals, and motivations. For example, one part of you might be trying to lose weight, and another part might want to eat whatever you want.

We all have many different parts, and we each have a spiritual center, the Self, which is compassionate, understanding, and grounded. Through IFS you can learn to stay in Self, develop a relationship with each of your parts, and heal them.

The key is that the your healing comes from you! This means that you can do IFS on your own, without a therapist, which is what makes Self-Therapy Journey possible.

Click here to watch an interview of Jay Earley on IFS by Tami Simon of Sounds True.

Support and Witnessing

You can work on Self-Therapy Journey completely on your own, or you can find a buddy or mentor from our online community to witness your work and support you in making changes in your life. You can also find a therapist guide from our list of professionals who will guide you in using Self-Therapy Journey and provide additional therapy if you want it.

In our online community, you can join a group of people who are dealing with the same issue. You can share with them your progress in your Self-Therapy Journey work and get answers to questions.

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Controlling Pattern

I was amazed with the ease of use of STJ and how quickly it helped to identify areas in which I was having difficulty. The guided mediations helped me understand the underlying intention behind my pattern. The homework practice turned out beautifully, allowing me to be more cooperative with others. I learned to re-state confusing feelings in an accepting and loving way. I can now let go of those parts that are no longer serving me.

-- Colleen A.

The greatest benefit of Self-Therapy Journey is its ability to reveal the hidden motivations behind our limiting patterns. I recommend it highly.

-- Nick Lal,
Personal Development

The problems that I worked on using Self-Therapy Journey have been resolved. The Pattern System has jump-started a lot of my clients in understanding their issues at the beginning of their work.

-- Cathy Duke
Licensed Counselor

Have other issues you need help with?
Wondering if Self-Therapy Journey deals with them?
Click here to find out
Are you a therapist, coach, or other professional,
wondering about using Self-Therapy Journey with you clients?
Click here for all the information you need

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Controlling Pattern

XCooperation involves the ability to be receptive and work well with others. You are open to other people's ideas and desires while not ignoring your own. You can assert yourself while also being able to go along with what other people want, and you can determine which is more appropriate for any situation. Most important, you can harmonize with others when working together or making joint decisions without giving up on your opinions, feelings, or desires.

You can empower other people to contribute their skills to a project. You can follow someone else's lead when appropriate, and you can take the lead yourself if that is what is needed. You can facilitate other people working together well as part of a community or team. When there is conflict, you can compromise or find solutions that are best for all concerned.

When someone has greater knowledge or expertise in one area, you can follow them and learn from them while still retaining your power to disagree or opt out when appropriate. When you have the greater knowledge, you can use it for everyone's benefit while still allowing others to have their say and retain their autonomy.