The Judgmental Pattern

  • Do you get into lots of arguments that don’t get resolved?
  • Do people tell you that they get hurt by you?
  • Do people avoid you because you’re judgmental?
  • Are people always fighting with you?
  • Does your partner dissolve in tears when you criticize him/her?
This is the Judgmental Pattern. Click here for more information.
XIf you have a Judgmental Pattern, you tend to criticize people when something goes wrong or you are unhappy about the way they are relating to you. When you want someone to change their behavior, you lead with a judgment about what they are doing wrong. You may even be angry or condescending in the process. This doesn't actually work very well in terms of encouraging a person to listen to you. Most likely a person will get defensive or counterattack by blaming you. So this pattern often leads to arguments or fights in which not much is accomplished.
You may find pleasure in picking out the things that people aren't doing to your standards. You may assume that you are right and that other people are wrong or stupid. You may become judgmental whenever you are frustrated with someone.

You might feel judgmental toward people even if you don't express this outwardly. You may just look down on them in your mind while you refrain from showing this. When someone brings up an issue with you that they are concerned about, you may try to convince them that it is really their fault, not yours.

You can transform your Judgmental Pattern
and improve your relationships.

Self-Therapy Journey is an interactive online tool
for resolving psychological issues such as the Judgmental Pattern.
With Self-Therapy Journey, you can transform your Judgmental Pattern into the Good Communication Capacity, which means you can...
  • Communicate in a way that people will listen to you.
  • Be open to what other people have to say.
  • Have congenial working relationships.
  • Relate in a way that people trust you.
 Click here  for more information on the Good Communication Capacity.

You can create a personalized practice
for activating the Good Communication Capacity in your life.

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Judgmental Pattern

What People Are Saying

"I have processed my Judgmental Pattern on Dr. Jay Earley's Self-Therapy Journey, and I found it to be the next best thing to working with a live therapist for exploring unhealed wounds from the past that led to extreme feelings and beliefs--often leading to problematic behavior and attitudes in the present. It gave me not only clear insights as to how these patterns arose, it also gave me concrete tools for healing them and becoming a more whole and complete human being."
-- Tom Burdenski, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist, Associate Professor of Psychology and Counseling


"I used Self-Therapy Journey to modify a tendency of mine to be judgmental. With a relatively little amount of work, I was able to become more aware of this tendency in my daily life and reduce its occurrence considerably. The benefits have been considerable. Bravo to Dr. Earley for developing this helpful innovation."
-- Michael Karp

Self-Therapy Journey is a powerful tool
for transforming your Judgmental Pattern
and cultivating your Good Communication Capacity.

But that's not all!
It works with many other psychological issues as well. It will help you work through a wide variety of patterns and develop many different capacities.

You Can...

  • Take command of your personal growth
  • Work at your own pace in your own time
  • Heal your emotional wounds
  • Gain self-confidence and courage
  • Open to intimacy and love
  • Feel hope and optimism about your life
    - each and every day
Discover how the powerful inner process of Self-Therapy Journey can change your life. It is an interactive web application that includes...

  • Check lists for understanding behavior, feelings, and motivations
  • Stories
  • Guided meditations for healing emotional wounds
  • Journaling
  • Customized reports
  • Personalized homework practices for behavior change
  • An online community for support
  • Systematic tracking of your progress
  • And much more

You can have the life you have always dreamed of,
at a tiny fraction of the cost of therapy.

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Judgmental Pattern

Self-Therapy Journey is brilliant. It's been an absolutely great experience to use it. Every time I had a thought like, "What about this?" there was something in the online system to handle it.

-- Athena Murphy

I think Self-Therapy Journey is immensely helpful. You can go as deep as you want.

-- Elizabeth Moulton,
Clinical Psychologist

It is impressive that this tool was so helpful to me considering that I have done ample self-work for over 25 years.

-- Faith Curtin, MA
Clinical Psychology

Working with Self-Therapy Journey will help you:

  • Dramatically increase your self-awareness
  • Understand your partner's behavior (and that of other people close to you)
  • Recognize when you are caught in self-defeating patterns - and change them to positive actions - right in the moment
  • Significantly lower your level of stress and reactivity
  • Be free of the constricting hold of old emotional wounds
  • Work through your fears so you can live authentically and courageously
  • Become emotionally stable and healthy, leading to peace and satisfaction
  • Enhance your ability for love, creativity, personal power, and living a life of purpose


I have been a psychotherapist for 40 years. I have helped hundreds of therapy clients to resolve troubling psychological issues and find love, success, and peace. And hundreds more people have used Self-Therapy Journey to make similar changes. My self-published book Self-Therapy has sold nearly 20,000 copies, and I constantly get emails from readers telling me how much the book has changed their lives.

I created Self-Therapy Journey as a place for you to do your own inner work. I want to make psychological healing available to a wide range of people. When you enroll, I will be personally available to support you in using it. I hold free teleseminars and webinars regularly on Self-Therapy Journey. Please join me.

Try Self-Therapy Journey so you can experience how powerful it is and how easy it is to use.

Jay Earley, PHD

Introductory Video with Jay Earley

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Judgmental Pattern

Self-Therapy Journey is based on
two comprehensive and powerful systems!

Click here to see a larger version of this chart.

1. The Pattern System®

The Pattern System is a breakthrough in understanding personality, a Periodic Table for psychology, created by Jay Earley, PhD.

It is a systematic approach to understanding your personality oriented toward psychological healing and personal growth, Self-Therapy Journey contains about 25 patterns, which are ways of behaving and feeling that you might want to change, such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, self-criticism, or avoiding intimacy.

Self-Therapy Journey helps you transform each pattern into a healthy capacity, such as assertiveness, ease, self-esteem, or cooperation. It also allows you to heal 14 different emotional wounds from childhood, such as being deprived or judged or feeling unlovable.

Everyone is unique! And the Pattern System recognizes this. You aren't put into a box. You get to understand the details of your particular personality.

The Pattern System provides the psychological content and IFS provides the therapy process.

Click here to learn more about the Pattern System.

2. Internal Family Systems Therapy

Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) is on the cutting edge of psychotherapy. It allows you to understand your psyche in a new way and create deep, powerful healing of old emotional wounds and trauma. IFS is a recognized, proven method for individual psychotherapy with a robust training program and thousands of certified therapists.

IFS enables you to understand each of the parts of your psyche, sometimes called sub-personalities. You can think of them as little people inside you. Each has its own perspective, feelings, memories, goals, and motivations. For example, one part of you might be trying to lose weight, and another part might want to eat whatever you want.

We all have many different parts, and we each have a spiritual center, the Self, which is compassionate, understanding, and grounded. Through IFS you can learn to stay in Self, develop a relationship with each of your parts, and heal them.

The key is that the your healing comes from you! This means that you can do IFS on your own, without a therapist, which is what makes Self-Therapy Journey possible.

Click here to watch an interview of Jay Earley on IFS by Tami Simon of Sounds True.

Support and Witnessing

You can work on Self-Therapy Journey completely on your own, or you can find a buddy or mentor from our online community to witness your work and support you in making changes in your life. You can also find a therapist guide from our list of professionals who will guide you in using Self-Therapy Journey and provide additional therapy if you want it.

In our online community, you can join a group of people who are dealing with the same issue. You can share with them your progress in your Self-Therapy Journey work and get answers to questions.

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Judgmental Pattern

I was amazed with the ease of use of STJ and how quickly it helped to identify areas in which I was having difficulty. The guided mediations helped me understand the underlying intention behind my pattern. The homework practice turned out beautifully, allowing me to be more cooperative with others. I learned to re-state confusing feelings in an accepting and loving way. I can now let go of those parts that are no longer serving me.

-- Colleen A.

The greatest benefit of Self-Therapy Journey is its ability to reveal the hidden motivations behind our limiting patterns. I recommend it highly.

-- Nick Lal,
Personal Development

The problems that I worked on using Self-Therapy Journey have been resolved. The Pattern System has jump-started a lot of my clients in understanding their issues at the beginning of their work.

-- Cathy Duke
Licensed Counselor

Have other issues you need help with?
Wondering if Self-Therapy Journey deals with them?
Click here to find out
Are you a therapist, coach, or other professional,
wondering about using Self-Therapy Journey with you clients?
Click here for all the information you need

Learn How Self-Therapy Journey Works with the Judgmental Pattern

XGood Communication involves bringing up your concerns in a way that maximizes the chances that the other person will listen to you and take your concerns seriously. This involves owning your feeling reaction rather than blaming the other person for it. Instead of judging the other person, you describe their behavior and your feeling reaction to it. For example, instead of saying, "You are such an uncaring person because you forgot my birthday," you might say, "When you forgot my birthday, I felt hurt."

It also means being open to hearing other people's concerns and considering your part in the problem, even if they express their concerns in a judgmental way. You are willing to take the other person seriously and really listen to what they are going through. Then you feed it back to them so they feel understood by you. This will help them to calm down and be much more receptive to what you have to say, including when you explain how you see things differently. You are willing to recognize when you need to change your behavior and to acknowledge this.